If you look back over the past year of your marriage and see more bad times than good, you may be wondering if divorce is the better option for you. Perhaps, like many couples, you have spent numerous years hoping things would get better or working on repairing the rifts in your relationship with your spouse.
You certainly do not want to look back on those as wasted years, but how many more will you sacrifice before you decide the marriage can't be saved?
Some common signs in dying marriages
Marriage advisors see countless couples who have gone through what you are experiencing. Those couples spend an average of six years in loveless or bitter marriages before heading for divorce court. While some emerge with stronger marriages, others do not. Experts say the following may be signs that you may be among those for whom divorce is the healthier option:
- You and your spouse have given honest effort to every form of counseling, therapy and other methods of reconciliation you could find.
- You no longer feel respect or concern for your spouse but instead harbor feelings of contempt and disgust.
- You and your spouse have lost the ability to demonstrate the most basic appreciation for each other or to give one another the benefit of the doubt in any situation.
- Your spouse has no interest in reconciling.
- Your marriage is burdened with an issue beyond your control, such as abuse, addiction or chronic infidelity.
- You or your spouse has already moved on to a new romance.
Many couples reach a point where they stop fighting. While externally, this may seem like a good thing, it can often be a sign that the couple no longer cares. The fact that you and your spouse no longer have impassioned arguments could be an irrefutable sign that you no longer have an investment in the issues that used to be at the center of those arguments.
If you and your spouse have tried everything to resolve your problems to no avail, you probably are not looking forward to more struggle and conflict for your divorce. You may find a better solution if you bring your questions to a family law attorney who has training and experience in alternative dispute resolution methods such as mediation and collaboration. Many couples find these gentle forms of divorce provide more positive endings to their marriages and brighter hopes for the future.